Tribute to My Former Roommates: The Sister and The Boyfriend

It has been a full two weeks since I’ve moved away from my sister and her boyfriend, and I must admit I might miss living with them just a little. If for no other reason, they kept me constantly amused… mostly at their expense.

For one thing, they seemed to be plagued by the fact that they need to do laundry. Granted, I have made it clear I am not fond of Laundromats. But I still went to them on a regular basis because, you know, I like clean clothes. The Sister and The Boyfriend somehow went weeks and weeks (maybe even months?) without going, meaning when they did go they had multiple suitcases and bags and even the cart thing most (normal) people use for groceries. Just the exertion of the multiple trips to haul all of their clothes down the stairs was enough to complain about. But the last time they got home from a laundry expedition takes the cake. They barge through the door, panting and sweating from going up and down and up the stairs to bring everything back inside, and then explain to me in a huff that one of their loads came out all pink because The Boyfriend accidentally threw in a sock from our Color Me Rad 5K (which happened on July 15^th, this laundry trip happened August 9^th – you do the math). But oh, it gets better. The Sister then tells me that the hamper she is holding is still full of dirty clothes because they accidentally washed a stranger’s clothes instead of their own. Apparently, they were trying to do their laundry assembly-line style, with The Boyfriend loading the washers and The Girlfriend following behind with the detergent and quarters. But somewhere along the way there was a communication hiccup, and she set up a washer full of someone else’s clothes. They didn’t figure this out until later, though, when she went to pull out her own clothes and realized, “Wait a minute, these aren’t even damp.” (And I’m sure there was some smell involved, too, given the amount of time since these clothes had last seen the inside of a washer). And then a man walks up to the machine next to her—that’s still in spin cycle—and confusedly asks, “Did you wash my clothes… again?” I guess he had to wait another ten minutes while the load finished. By that point they didn’t want to spend the time to load another washer, and they didn’t bring enough detergent anyway. So they had to carry a full hamper of dirty clothes back to our apartment. I would say that deserves an Epic Fail label, but it successfully had me laughing for a good ten minutes.

I also found their little fights amusing (does that make me evil?). They once came home from Date Night in an awkward silence, parting ways at the door. The Sister came to sit on the couch next to me, and once we heard The Boyfriend drop his man bag in their room (meaning he was safely out of earshot), she explained that while they were out The Boyfriend almost ran into a pole and she laughed. Then he got mad at her, she got mad at him for getting mad at her, and I chocked on my chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream from laughing.

A couple months ago she bought him a new toothbrush to surprise him (because he loves them and apparently views them as a treat). But between the time she got home from the store and the time she unloaded the bag, he somehow pissed her off and she hid it from him for a week. Eventually either she forgot why she was mad in the first place, he apologized, or he did enough dishes to redeem himself, because she finally brought out the surprise toothbrush—that, unfortunately, they call “teeths tools”—and he was immensely happy. I found this whole exchange a bit sad at the time, but now I realize this was just one of their little relationship quirks that I’ve come to miss. There were certainly times during the year I felt like a pathetic third wheel, especially when they snuggled on the couch watching movies and I was left on the cold love seat all alone. But I’ve come to admire their relationship. It’s clear they have fun but also understand, support, and encourage each other on a daily basis. I may not want to have conversations with my significant other to go like this:

Her: You want ice cream? Or salad? Or you want ice cream on your salad?

Him: I want salad on my ice cream.

But I do want a relationship that makes me as happy as they seem to be together. (It only took me a year and two weeks to admit I’m not completely disgusted by their lovey-dovey bond.)

Throughout my year-long stint as their roommate, I collected quite a few quotes from the happy eccentric couple. I could go into detail on how strange they are and attempt to analyze their banter for you, but I feel their quotes speak for themselves.

Him: My friend had a dog called an Akita. Have you heard of it?

Her: No, it sounds like a running shoe.

Her: He’s looking at chubby white men with man boobs online.

Him: I’m just reading their opinions.

Him: Look, it’s right here.

Her: Well, move your hand.

Him: But it’s right here.

Her: What are you trying to show me?

Him: It’s a stain.

Her: Okay, but you understand your hand is blocking it from my line of vision?

Him: But it’s right here!

Her: But move your hand! …You’re special.

Him: I thought that was a good thing.

Her: He’s always thinking I’m secretly throwing away his socks.

Him: I’m not in the mood for a movie tonight.

Her: So… we just sit here?

Him: Those aren’t the only options!

But in all honesty, it was a really great year. How lucky am I to have a sister that is also my best friend—even in a tight living space that is also shared by her boyfriend? I’ve gotten to know The Boyfriend very well, too, and I will miss both of them. Although, I’m not sure living a leisurely twelve-minute walk away gives me the right to say I’ll miss them. 

Who wouldn't miss these shenanigans?

The Sister: Katie’s going to have to come visit us to get blog material.

The Boyfriend: Okay, but she can’t stay over every night.

Settling In

On a brighter note, I’m settling into my new house nicely. I’m officially unpacked—I’ve moved all of my stuff out of the room next to mine, put away clothes, arranged books and odds and ends on shelves, and have set up my Tom Hanks collection (all 22 DVDs), prominently displayed on my corner shelf. I’m actually really impressed with how I managed to get the most out of the small space I have. At the moment I still have one empty dresser drawer and one empty small shelf that I don’t quite know what to fill with. I’m sure I’ll find something.

My room doesn’t have its own closet (because it’s somewhat closet-sized itself), so I get full use of the hall closet just outside my door. I put up a tension curtain rod so I can hang some of my clothes, but it has already fallen twice, causing my nice shirts and dresses and plastic hangers to form a sad little pile. I decided to reinforce it with a second rod, two of them side by side. I’m hoping this works, but I won’t be surprised if I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of clangs and bumps and wrinkles forming in my skirts.

The first time I did laundry in my new place, I was ridiculously overjoyed. Back in my old apartment, I had to haul it down two flights of stairs in suitcases, walk to the corner, wait for the bus, and sit in a sad but noisy Laundromat for two hours. My clothes always came out just smelling like wet clothes, no matter how much tropical-flower-smelling detergent I used. But here, hallelujah, the washer and dryer are a mere twenty-five feet from my room, and pulling my clothes out of the dryer has never been so fragrantly satisfying. I encourage any of you at home who grumble about doing laundry to go visit a Laundromat; you’ll run right home and hug that whirring machine you currently think you hate.

And the quiet outside my window? I’m in love. Sometimes at night I even hear crickets!

Because I now live up in the Cambridge-Somerville area, this past week I was finally able to go to the famous Tuesday Night Bluegrass at the Cantab Lounge, where they claim “the atmosphere is tolerant and the music is hot.” The second band to get on stage, Chasing Blue, was definitely rockin’ the banjo and harmonies. Although I can’t tell you what the band looked like, I can tell you all about the yellow shirt of the guy standing right in front of me from Banjo Camp 2010. It was apparently held in either Groton or Croton (maybe even Crouton?!), Mass., but the combination of dark lighting, not wearing my glasses, and the two empty bottles of beer beside me made it hard to decipher. Nonetheless, it was a fun night with good music, and I’ll probably find myself there many a Tuesday night from now on.

Just My Luck

"Boy, what a world. Could be so wonderful, if not for certain people."

—from Woody Allen's Radio Days

I'm pretty sure the character who said this in the movie was referring to Hitler, but I’m thinking it also applies to the people who decided it was okay to break into my old apartment that I wasn’t completely moved out of yet and take things. When my sister, her boyfriend, and I all packed up our JP apartment, we left a few things behind we didn’t want to lose in the shuffle. We were moving out three weeks early, so we still had time to go back and pick up the rest and do a thorough cleaning. We took a week off between the move and the return visit, but once we stepped back inside it took about two minutes to realize, “Hey, someone has been in here. Hey, that window is propped open and the string from the blinds is stuck beneath the screen. Hey, our internet router, my expensive company phone, the little kitchen shelf, my full-length mirror, our vacuum and Swiffer, our can opener (and other random kitchen things), and all of our cleaning supplies are gone..." 

The Sister: They took your soap?!
Me: They took the roll of toilet paper out of the holder. Of course they took my fancy soap!

Yep, they even took our toilet paper. Although I have to admit, they were considerate enough to leave at least one roll behind in the other bathroom. Because all of our cleaning things were among the stolen items, I had to walk down to the small corner store where they sell random things for suspiciously low prices. I bought a box of garbage bags, a roll of paper towels, and the most legitimate-looking bottle of all-purpose cleaner I could find. But then we discovered the sprayer didn’t work on the bottle, so we had to take the cap off and just pour the liquid either on a paper towel or right on the surface itself. Needless to say, it wasn’t our best cleaning experience and we just wanted to get. out. of. there.

What I don’t get is, if they took everything else, why leave us the dead mouse on the counter? It would have come with an extra bonus of maggots… They also didn’t touch anything in the freezer or fridge, including a brand new, unopened bottle of pickles. You take a mostly empty bottle of soap, but our pickles aren’t good enough for you?

I realize I’m coming off as angry and bitter at the moment, but really, I do recognize how lucky we are this never happened while we were actually living there. And it was kind of a nice bonding moment with The Sister and The Boyfriend while we tag teamed the cleanup of the dead mouse. I’m more grateful than anything. Grateful to be away from the mice. Grateful to never have to walk by the neighborhood park where my phone was stolen off my stomach as I lounged on a blanket on a sunny June day. Grateful to not wake up at 5:30 every single morning because every single morning seemed to be garbage day on that street. 

Plus, my new home is every bit as wonderful as I imagined it would be.

p.s. Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are amazing. Go buy them. Go scrub your walls and be astounded at the scuff marks and Pepsi stains you can erase. I thought about taking before and after pictures (and maybe even one in between with the streak of white in the dirt like in the commercials), but I decided that was a little too pathetic. That may be one of my most prominent traits, but even I have a limit.

Lost In Furniture Candy Land

Even though it was utterly exhausting to watch those men move all of our stuff on Saturday and then later have to dig through the stacked boxes to find the damn silverware so we could eat dinner (my life is so hard), the next morning my sister and I decided to run some errands. We rented a cargo van from Zipcar for 15.5 hours (for just $130 for the day, gas and mileage included—I freaking love Zipcar). We wanted to take advantage of Massachusetts’s tax-free weekend and trek out to Target and IKEA to fill our new places with even more stuff while also making a trip up to New Hampshire to store a few things at my uncle’s. Plus, I just really like to drive.

Once we clambered into the tall van and finally discovered where the release to the emergency brake was hiding, we were on our way. But apparently I have been a pedestrian for too long, because at the very first stop light I encountered I attempted to go once the WALK signal came on. Oops. But no harm, no foul. I was able to switch into driver mode and it was smooth sailing from then on.

Kind of. I must say I drove that huge cargo van around like a champ. I was able to finagle my way into some impressive parking spots and even avoided the stupid Massachusetts drivers intent on pulling out right in front of me. But getting around the Northeast without getting lost, even with some form of GPS, is almost damn near impossible. I made the probably-terrible yet slightly-amusing decision to have my sister be the navigator. Any of you who know her also know her lack of directional skills. There were a lot of incidents that went something like this:

Me: Which street do I turn on?
Her: That one (as she points behind us).

And traffic circles. WHY DO THEY EXIST. Even our weird sister-talk (where we know what the other is trying to say even though she’s failing at actually saying it) didn’t help me here.

Me: Where do I go? Which exit?
Her: The right one!
Me: They're all right!

But we survived. And it felt good to get out of the city and drive with the windows down. (See? It’s the simple joys in life. I bet you non-city people take your daily driving adventures for granted.)

Once inside, though, it seems I’m the directionally challenged one. Who here has been to an IKEA store? Then you know it’s not entirely my fault that I got completely lost. I made the mistake of separating from Sarah at one point in search of a cart and then the even bigger mistake of walking through a door in an attempt to bypass the long line of people shuffling down the aisle. By the time I found an abandoned cart to steal, I had absolutely no idea where I was. Now some of you may be thinking, What’s the big deal? So you walk around until you find your sister. Thanks. But this is a very daunting task in a store that’s 350,000 square feet and makes you go through all of the different departments on a winding path that looks suspiciously similar to a Candy Land game board. I tried to retrace my steps, looking for something familiar, and occasionally going through a door promising a shortcut and rainbow color gumdrops. After what felt like half an hour but was probably three minutes, I broke down and called The Sister—for help? for moral support? I don’t know. But I do know I was for some reason almost in tears as I tried to make my way back to her. “I’m lost. I’m like really lost. What are you near?” Couches. “But I don’t see any couches. All I see are beds and there’s a big room of lamps back there and I’m going the wrong way down the path and everyone is glaring at me and—Oh, sorry!—and now I just ran the cart over some woman’s toe.” She stayed on the phone to help calm me down as I continued ignoring the large arrows on the floor pointing the opposite direction and passed the clocks and dishes and—couches! I found her.

It turns out I was not the only one to find IKEA a little too intense that day. We later walked by a 20-something girl crying in the middle of the aisle, telling her friend, “I’m just so overwhelmed.” Granted, she could have been talking about her life or her boyfriend or her student loans or something, but I still felt her pain.

All was right again in the world once we made it out of the maze and up into New Hampshire where my aunt and uncle had all the fixins for root beer floats. Yes, root beer floats can make everything better.

And beautiful views aren't too bad for the soul, either.
Boston's Zakim Bridge

No One Grows Up Saying They Want to Be a Mover

The movers showed up at 10:00 Saturday morning, and despite a few minor setbacks—having only three boxes packed just 24 hours before, pausing Friday night for one last trip to Doyle’s pub down the street, and running out of tape to put together our boxes until 9 a.m. Saturday when I could run to the store—I still managed to be ready for them. I know. Miracle.

Let me just stop right now to defend our decision to hire movers. First of all, well, we’re lazy. I got winded climbing the stairs to our third-floor apartment just carrying a small bag of groceries. There was no way in hell I was going to run up and down all day (or multiple days, most likely) carrying shtuff. Plus, the price of the movers included the big moving truck, gas, blankets, security tape, large muscles… It took them six hours to empty our apartment in JP, unload at my sister’s new place, and then bring the rest to my new place. If we had rented our own truck, after six hours we would maybe have brought down the beds and couches and be halfway down the stairs with the kitchen table. Well worth it in my book.

The three guys from the local moving company in JP were all fun and friendly. There was Eric, the manager of some sort, or at least the guy with the clipboard. Mid 30s, short dark hair, increasing number of fingers wrapped in tape throughout the day from constantly finding things to cut himself on. He spent most of the time down in the truck rearranging, so I didn’t get to talk to him much.

Rick was the “runner,” doing most of the legwork, grabbing boxes from our apartment and running them down the stairs. He was probably late 20s and had black shorts, a black tank top that still managed to get darker from sweat, a short Mohawk with the sides starting to grow out, and a tattoo of an elaborate cross on his left bicep. As he walked through the kitchen where I was standing awkwardly with my sister and her boyfriend, unsure of what to do while they hauled our stuff out, he commented that we sure do have a lot of books (packed in very heavy boxes, even though I specifically told The Sister and The Boyfriend to split them up). Rick told us he couch surfed across the country for years, and now that he’s been stationary in Boston for awhile now, he’s excited to have a shelf devoted to books again. We also learned he used to live in our JP neighborhood and had helped create the community garden that I love walking through to take pictures of sunflowers. Small world.

And then there was Hale. Plain white t-shirt, short dark blond hair, big nose and red, puffy eyes. He showed up two hours late and then introduced himself by saying, “I apologize if I smell like alcohol. It’s sweating out of me. …Don’t worry, I’m not drunk right now, but I went out last night. It was a rough morning.” I’ll admit, I’m pretty awful at judging age, but I figured Hale was in his late 30s. But as the vodka sweated out of him in the next four hours, he started looking more like mid/early 30s. He was surprisingly fast and agile for a middle-aged hungover man nonetheless.

After Hale carried down the last load, I went out and sat on the front step to see if they really could fit everything into the medium-sized truck (opposed to the large truck we used to move out here) like they claimed. “We’ve picked up some tricks over the years,” Eric had said to my raised eyebrows. There were just two boxes sitting out on the sidewalk next to one of The Boyfriend’s amps and a large white box fan. As Eric and Rick rearranged the boxes in the back of the truck like Tetris pieces, Hale lit up a cigarette and sat on the steps next to me. He wanted to know where was I from and why did I move to Boston and what was I up to, so I gave him all the incredibly exciting facts of my life. He told me he had majored in journalism at a college in Vermont—or maybe it was Virginia, I can’t remember—and then moved to Boston and worked for an ad agency for eight years. But when they laid off 700 people, he was SOL: “And now I’m here. No one grows up saying they want to be a mover.” He flicked the cigarette down onto the sidewalk and hoisted himself up to go help the other two just in time, helping to balance the fan on a box inside as they quickly shut the door.

When they pulled up to my new place two hours later, Hale hung his head out the passenger-side window and yelled, “Hey kiddo, nice place!” They parked and Hale and Rick climbed out, each exhaling smoke from another cigarette. I’m a little amazed they’re able to smoke so much with such a physically demanding job, but who am I to judge.

I had them unload all of my stuff into the larger room right next to the one I am moving into. See, my new room is a tad bit smallish. The roommate who will be in the room next to mine won’t be moving in until the end of the month, so I’m taking advantage of her space as I unpack and settle in. And her room just happens to be about three times the size of mine. Or maybe the better way to explain it is to say my room is only a little larger than her room’s closet. (But have no fear—we have split the rent fairly, and my room is nice and cozy, so I don’t mind.) So I thought it was somewhat genius of me to have the guys bring all of my boxes into the room next door, pretending it was mine. I know, that’s a weird thing to lie about. But #1. I knew there was no way it would all fit into my room anyway. They could have stacked the boxes literally wall to wall, floor to ceiling, and they would still spill out into the hallway. (Yes, I have a lot of stuff. No, my plan to go through and get rid of unnecessary stuff failed.) #2. Maybe I was a little embarrassed to admit I was delusional enough to think everything would eventually fit in that room, and I wasn’t sure if the movers would find that amusing or pathetic. #3. It made sense; I can set up my room and then bring in all my crap at my leisure. But Eric, adding another piece of tape to his thumb, said, “This is kind of a tight squeeze for you, huh?” I looked around the spacious room, thinking of my little nook one door over, and thought, You have no idea.

The Useless Days Will Add Up to Something

I made my way to the Harvard Bookstore Wednesday night for a reading by Cheryl Strayed, promoting her new book Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar. Although I could undeniably use such advice (considering I spend most Saturday nights alone on my couch), I mainly went hoping she would talk about Wild, her memoir on hiking the Pacific Crest Trail (and her spinning-out-of-control life that compelled her to do it). I wasn’t disappointed; she read and discussed both books, and it was definitely worth standing in the hot and crowded back room of the store for an hour and a half.

She first greeted us by saying Boston holds a special place in her heart. I immediately assumed she said this to every city she visits, but I think I actually believe her now. To begin with, she was in Boston on her spring tour when she first got the call that Wild landed on the New York Times bestseller list. I can’t speak from experience, but I’m guessing that’s a moment not many authors forget. And then later that day after she completed her reading and opened up the floor for questions, an older gentleman in the front row shot his arm in the air. “Have you ever had sex in exchange for food?” She said the audience went silent (unlike ours), not knowing how she would respond. She answered, “No, but do you want to get dinner tonight?” Turns out he already ate. So now she begins each reading with this little story, and she said being back in Boston feels like she’s back at home.

She managed to read from and talk about both of her recent books because, as she explained, both address “all the different things we grapple with: grief, love, confusion, kinky sex…”

Perhaps I should explain. For those of you who have not read Wild (you should), it’s a brutally honest, humble, humorous, and charming memoir on a twenty-six-year-old’s adventure of hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and all of the reasons she decided she needed to try (her beloved mother’s sudden death from cancer, her desire and decision to sleep with men other than her husband, her subsequent divorce from her husband, her experimentation with drugs, her lack of direction in life, etc.). She needed to get away and clear her head—and what better way to do that than to literally almost kill herself by backpacking 1,100 miles with absolutely no previous hiking experience.

Tiny Beautiful Things, a collection of articles from her advice column “Dear Sugar” on The Rumpus, also grapples with the list of things above. As she read through a few articles, the one that struck me the most was her answer to one reader’s question What would you tell your twenty-something self?

• “You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat but who gives a shit?”
• “Understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again.”
• “The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs… The long meandering walks—” (this is where she paused to tell us all 336 pages of Wild were summed up in this phrase) “—the hours…wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not…”
• "...you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You're wrong. You do."

Strayed admitted she was surprised to find this book in the self-help section, but I can see it serving that purpose. And I will definitely be adding Tiny Beautiful Things to my “Currently Reading” list (because hey, a little humorous but down-to-earth self-help advice never hurt anyone). 

I had to opt out of getting my copy signed... seeing as I bought the Kindle edition
and didn't want to ruin it with a scratched-in signature of some sort.
But she was extremely kind and friendly to every fan.

Will I Ever Stop Being a Tourist?

I'm coming up on my one-year residential anniversary with this city, and yet just this morning I was snapping away pictures right alongside the tourists in their Harvard and “I’m the real Green Monster” t-shirts. I was walking along the outskirts of the Common, rushing to the Park Street station to get to my lunch meeting at least somewhat on time, when I looked to my left at the picturesque Massachusetts State House with the golden dome (that is covered in real 23k gold leaf, as I remember from my duck tour eleven years ago) and decided I couldn’t pass without taking a picture. What a tourist.

But I do this quite a lot. And I justify my frequent trips to American Eagle and Urban Outfitters because they’re located in Quincy Market, and the H&M is mere steps away from the old state house. So obviously I should be spending time in these historic places, no?

One of my favorite things to do downtown is to see how long I can walk on the Freedom Trail inconspicuously. I mean take each step right on that wide red line—without mowing down little children who get in my way.

At least I find a way to have fun every day, even if it makes me no better than a tourist. I like to think I see the good in things and try not to take even the simple little joys for granted.

“If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.”

(I’m not sure who first said this, but it’s on a lot of yoga and meditation websites…)

And vitamin gummies? Best invention ever.

Fresh Air

Every morning I’m greeted with a fresh vase of flowers on my desk from my boss's garden. Today’s holds one bright orange flower - he loves me, he loves me not petals surrounding a fuzzy red center. The smaller petals in the middle are deep orange, the larger petals beneath are more faded, as if the color forfeits its intensity as it spreads. Purple flowers that remind me of caterpillars are arranged behind it. There are also three large leaves forming the bottom layer of the arrangement. Pale yellowish olive green, with translucent lines like on the palms of my hands.

I have this strange urge to take a deep breath every time I see a beautiful flower. When I walk through the community garden near my apartment, I’m afraid I’ll one day hyperventilate. But I think I’m just trying to breathe in the fresh and innocent beauty (those tea bags for the dark bags under my eyes are not working their magic anymore). The tall sunflowers in the garden have been especially enchanting lately. Isn’t there just something about sunshine and flowers and a warm breeze that makes you want life to stand still?

Laundromat Language

I feel like a fairly observant person, but if you ask me to explain or describe to you what I’m seeing, hearing, smelling, etc., I’m at a loss for words. This is a bad thing for an aspiring writer to admit, I suppose. Earlier today, I was in the wonderful land of the Laundromat. So I started thinking, How would I describe this place? I could tell you about the cold, hard seat that was hurting my bony butt. It was in a row of other colorful seats (blue, yellow, orange) to disguise the dread of having to use a Laundromat. Look, while you’re here you get to sit in these rainbow chairs! Or I could describe the whir of the washing machines, a row of different cycles and stages and this one is permanent press and this one is gentle. I wish they were louder. I want the rushing and spinning to cover the sound of the Channel 7 Local News coming from the TVs on all four walls. I’m not in the mood to hear about the little girl who was saved from the creek—her rescuer first thinking she was a dog. Or about the Florida residents in an uproar because peacocks are destroying their cars.

photo source

Or maybe I’ll tell you about the man across the room. He’s standing in front of the big Eco-Friendly Dryer, staring at the spinning dark colors. He’s tired. How do I know this? He’s somewhat slumped over, with his right arm resting across his stomach and his left arm squeezed by his side. His left hand is supporting his chin, with his neck stretched out, as if to peer into the dryer even deeper. He hasn’t shaved today. He’s wearing white painter’s pants and an off-white t-shirt with sponsors on the back, like the ones they give out at festivals or minor-league baseball games. But I’m still missing something. I don’t know how to go into more detail on how the man’s body language tells me he’s tired. Instead I can only imagine what has exhausted him in the first place. Or why his stomach sticks out over his pants like it does. I could go into a story on how he works eleven hour days and when he gets home he just wants to sit on his couch, because although his painting job is not exactly exercise it is still physically tiring. And his wife doesn’t have the energy to join a gym, so how can she tell him he needs to lose a couple pounds. She may be a nag, but she is not a hypocrite.

Well, anyway. That will be my Last. Laundromat. Visit. EVER. My new apartment will have a washer and dryer unit all to itself. No more hauling suitcases down the street or having to watch the Maury Show. No more accidentally flinging underwear on the dirty floor three washers down or watching clothes catch on fire in the heavy-duty dryer and then turn to black char. Just six days ‘til the big move!

"I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry. Because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of your life?"  —from a fifteen-year-old contestant in a newspaper challenge to imitate Jack Handy's Intimate Thoughts

On Honesty

Honesty should be black and white, right? You're either honest, or you're not. It's a virtue, a quality, a characteristic, a myth... The truth is that honesty is swirls of gray.

Honesty is like a pane of glass, or a window. It lets you see through to the other side, to the reality and truth. But sometimes it’s distorted or smudged or cracked. What then? You can still see through to the general outline, get an idea of the full picture, but you can’t make out the crisp details or the complete story.

But what’s more important anyway: the nitty, gritty cold facts, or the way you feel about them? When recalling memory, should we be honest to the events or to our emotions? And what is more honest anyway? What is more real? Our reality is made up of our experiences—our understanding of how things were, are, will be. Honesty is personal to each of us, and we therefore all have our own versions of the honest truth. So how, then, can there be any universal truth? Ah, but truth and honesty are two different things, aren’t they.

Maybe honesty is what comes from us naturally, unavoidably. How can we live a dishonest life? Our very being is the honesty of our self. Every breath begins honestly. But we twist things to please ourselves, and in the process turn them into lies. Honesty is easy, even if blurry at times. But through the blur, honesty should be ever present. 

This was an exercise for my Nonfiction Workshop on Memoir: Simply write "On" at the top of your paper, then add an abstract noun. As I've worked on exercises throughout the semester, it was nice to remember that the word essay (as in a personal essay) comes from the French verb essayer, which means "to try."